How to Find True Love

Learning to become our own best friend before stepping into a relationship can be a massive challenge in our society. I'd like to share my story in hopes of encouraging others to fill their own cup first. It's the key to a lasting union.
A couple years ago I was suffering through a horrible breakup – the kind that makes a person wake up and evaluate the meaning of life.
In trying to please a very unhappy, controlling person all of my energy was drained.
I lost everything – my work clients, my apartment, friends and most importantly – myself.
Looking back with 20/20 vision, I see it was the best thing that could have happened to me.
In losing everything, I learned the importance of what I need and what is excess. I let go of old things, habits and people who no longer served me any good, or never did.
I learned to choose me over people who didn’t.
In solitude, I found a quiet and stillness inside my heart – a part of me that was still burning dimly in the distance.
In the darkness I found the light of my soul.
During the depression, all desire to live had left my body. I laid in bed for months with black curtains drawn. Sometimes I would drink three bottles of wine by myself fighting the urge to cry and sometimes I would let it all pour out and sleep away the days.
In between the haziness, I found comfort in books, Netflix documentaries and Youtube self-help videos – anything motivational on finding success and happiness.
I felt guilty for wasting time and losing money and even worse for allowing myself to be mistreated so badly (especially by someone I didn't really like that much). I beat myself up a lot, but thankfully I still had a few good people around to guide me back on track.
Eventually I learned I was doing the best thing possible – allowing myself time to feel and heal.
Once I could stomach the idea of going out in public again, I went to a festival at my favorite venue – Spirit of the Suwannee Music Park [read my music blog here].
I brought my rose quartz, the one I had once made a wish for love and slept with under my pillow. It had led to my ex and I was starting to think of it as a bad luck charm. I prepared a ritual to toss it into Spirit Lake. The idea was to release its bad juju back to the universe for reversal and renewal.
Spirit Lake at Suwannee Music Park
I walked to the edge of the dock, ready to say a prayer and throw it into the water. It was sad thinking about how much faith I had put into a silly rock and what a terrible relationship I had wished for.
Quickly I shook off the negative thought and squeezed it tightly – “I still have faith in you. Please bring me my true love.”
Just as I was about to throw it in, the quartz slipped out of my hand into the cracks of the dock – gone forever.
“Well, if that isn’t an unlucky omen I don’t know what is!”
I walked away, disappointed in another wasted wish.
But a week later I met my Twin Flame.
At the time I had no idea what a twin flame was or the difference between our twin flame and our soulmates (we can have multiple soulmates, but only one twin).
A twin flame is the other half of our energy – they are our mirror image. Yin and yang, reuniting after being separated at creation.
Usually we’ve had similar life paths and we come together when we’re ready to ascend to a higher level of consciousness.
The twin reflects our weaknesses & flaws. They find us to teach us what we need to change in order to become a better person. Usually all of these lessons are learned during a period of separation, sometimes a very long one.
(I'll be writing more about twin flames, self-healing & magic. Sign up for updates.)
My twin and I separated after a few months. I was devastated again. But I was determined to end the cycle of seeking love & joy outside of myself.

This time I was wiser. I really took a look in the mirror and saw that I had become codependent and I was a people-pleaser. I was doing things that went against my values just because I was afraid of disappointing someone else. I was also handling my emotions immaturely.

The reflection was unpleasant. Admitting I wasn't living life right was hard, but I buckled down, set goals for MYSELF and slowly began to change. I made a commitment to stay single until those goals were being met.
Now I’m happy on my own, finally.
Maybe he won’t evolve and join me on this higher level of knowing in this lifetime. Male energies typically evolve slower in our society. There are many false beliefs & bad habits taught to men that are often hard to overcome. It takes a strong mind to follow the heart and not the crowd.
If he doesn’t find the strength to change, he won’t be good enough for me (high standards are better than settling!). He is always with me in spirit though. I can feel when he thinks of me. He visits me in dreams, usually sharing important knowledge or advise. He is a wise soul living in a twisted world.
All I can control is myself. And I’m content to be living life for myself and accomplishing goals I was born to achieve. I have time to be creative, to write, learn new things and do whatever I want. And I have blocked out other's negative judgements.
What others think of me is none of my business.
This kind of self-love hasn’t been easy to cultivate. As a woman, setting boundaries, saying no and taking back our time comes with the risk of being criticized and losing people who won’t understand. But learning to let go makes us stronger.
I’ll never again put anyone else ahead of my well-being.
I know the truth. I know who I am. And that makes me unbreakable.

I recently returned to the dock where I lost my stone.
The dock was in front of a church chapel and this was the dock where people sometimes get married. How obvious! And I hadn't even noticed before.

It was a profound realization.
An environmentalist friend of mine once explained the edge of water is where all of nature’s magic happens. It’s where all the creatures breed and feed new life. So I was happy to know my stone had landed right where it belonged.
There was a cushion laid out on the dock. I kneeled on it, placing my palms together at my chest. This time I was in a state of gratitude instead of lack:
“Thank you for all the love you brought me. I am eternally grateful for the lessons, healing, understanding, faith and strength.”
I see now when I wished for true love, the universe delivered exactly that – self-love. It’s the only way to ever be happy.
“I am ready for the next step in the journey. I trust in The All of Good to guide the way.”

Sometimes when we make a wish, we have to be prepared for surprises. If we let go of control and allow nature to take its course, we usually find there is something, or someone, much better than we could ever expect waiting just around the corner.
Valuable soulmate advice from my best Youtube guru:


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